Joy and anticipation mark the advent of Thanksgiving and the winter holidays for many. But for others, financial and emotional stress dominate the season.

That stress may, in many cases, lead to violence, according to Officer Debra Miller, who coordinates the Wilkens Precinct's response to people affected by domestic abuse.

So while merchants and other purveyors of holiday spirit recommend gifts, decorations and activities for the season, Miller advises caution.

"People have a tendency to overextend themselves," she said, referring to financial as well as physical and emotional expense.

Alcohol can factor into the potentially volatile mix, with some adults reaching more often than usual for a drink.

In addition, neighbors and relatives who seldom see and possibly dislike each other may wind up at the same holiday party, and conflicts can become violent.

Regardless of the season, one in four women is likely to be abused by a domestic partner at some point in her life, Miller said.

In particular, 26 percent of pregnant women under the age of 18 nationwide experience domestic violence, she said.

About 8.8 million children are exposed to such violence as well, usually by witnessing it, she said.

While there are legal steps a woman can take to prevent her partner from coming close enough to her or her children to harm them, Miller advises anyone who feels a serious threat of domestic violence to seek shelter immediately.

"When your gut tells you that you are not safe, you're not safe," said Miller, who has been with the police department for 15 years, the past four in the Wilkens precinct. "Get out.

"That's what I would try to convince them to do, to go somewhere safe."

If getting out seems premature, a next best step is to plan for an emergency escape -- just in case, she said.

Have a bag packed and a room reserved at a friend or relative's house or the phone number and address of an emergency shelter.

Potential victims also should carry a cell phone at all times.If they are leaving home for an errand, work or other destination, make sure someone trustworthy knows where they are going and when they'll return, said Jennifer Jones, a Towson University student interning with Miller while completing a master's degree in clinical psychology.

Miller's job calls for her to meet face-to-face with victims in domestic abuse cases and urge them to seek whatever help is appropriate.

"I'm like the thorn in their side," she said, noting that some cases require repeated phone calls and visits before a victim agrees to discuss the options.

Last month, she said, she made 30 visits, some of them repeats, to victims of abuse in the area.

Often people have no idea that help, such as emergency shelters and court orders, is available.

Some shelters do not publicize their whereabouts so women and children will remain safe there.

Meanwhile, try not to argue.

But if you must, avoid doing so in a kitchen or bathroom.

"There are so many potential weapons in both places," Miller said.

And if violence does occur, call 911 immediately.

Miller may be reached at 410-744-1584.

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